But John Gray, Ph.D., author of “Mars and Venus on a Date,” believes there are actually five very specific stages of dating that we must carefully. I will explain the five stages now but my book, Mars and Venus On A Date, goes far deeper into explaining them with real examples and. Mars and Venus on a Date has ratings and reviews. Jason said: Another informative and helpful book from Dr. Gray, though this one was a lot mor .
We want to relax and have more quality time with our partner, creating a mutually loving and romantic relationship. But we must be cautious during this stage — careful not to grow so comfortable together that we stop doing all those little things that make our partner feel special.
Lots of couples drift apart at this stage without realizing it. Intimacy This stage is where we experience real intimacy, letting down our guard and sharing more deeply with our partners. It helps if we have a good understanding of how men and women react differently to intimacy. Engagement When we are certain we are with the person we want to make a life commitment to we typically become engaged. This step allows us the opportunity to celebrate our love.
Stage three and four deal with exclusivity and intimacy. The last stage that John Gray introduces you to is engagement, which goes into how to make up with each other so that your relationship doesn't lead to a break up and he explains the different reasons why men and women get married. What I liked about the book is that it is intended for both men and women. It helps you to understand how the opposite sex feels.
No one understands the opposite sex but after I read the book, I had more insight into how each sex thinks and feels about dating and relationships. I didn't think I could utilize this book but it came in handy while I was dating. With a little bit of experimenting, I was able to see what John Gray was talking about in his book. It is written with good intentions and with a good heart from a man who has produced a total of seven books on relationships between men and women.
He has a Ph. I enjoyed reading this book because in a humorous and thoughtful fashion, it touches on all aspects of dating and explains the reasoning why men and women do what they do especially after that first date. It's fascinating to read about how you can attract and choose the right person that is meant for you. The book tells you about the warning signs to look out for so you don't get involved with the wrong person, it teaches you how to bring out the best in your partner and covers many other topics that are very useful and important for you to know.
When she starts talking, he feels his apology did no good. Explanations can make things worse. Making it through the five stages -To get through the five stages of dating, it is important to respect the whole process. Each stage creates certain opportunities and challenges. Instead of focusing on pleasing him because he makes her happy, she needs to let him continue to please her with his actions.
She does not have to do anything to earn his interest. The more she gives and she graciously receives, the more interested he becomes.
He thinks, Okay, I can relax; I must be doing enough. On Venus they tend instinctively to know that feelings are always changing. She needs assurance that his feelings will not change as they really get to know each other. When a woman is in stage one or two and a man behaves as if he is in stage three, four, or five, then she can easily lose interest. She feels he wants too much, so she feels obligated to give back more than she is ready to. She is afraid of getting involved and hurting him.
When a man pursues a woman but not yet sure about exclusivity or beyond, it can make him very attractive. This does not necessarily mean that they will not make it through all the stages, but it does mean that they will not gain the insights and ability necessary to build a strong foundation for the relationship to grow.
Men respond much better when they are not seen as the problem but as the solution. This is the time to move back to stage two Uncertainty.
Book Summaries: Mars and Venus on a Date - John Gray
Another benefit is that the woman gives her partner the space he needs to determine if he is the right person for her. By creating more distance between them, she gives him a chance to experience how much he loves her. Quite often a man feels how much he loves a woman when he is directly faced with the possibility of losing her.
It is simply because he needs distance to feel his longing and desire. Men Are Like Blowtorches, Women Are Like Ovens -Often a man will suddenly become physically attracted to a woman and then just as quickly lose interest. He is like a blowtorch that can heat up really fast and then turn off in an instant.
My 5 Stages of Dating
Women are like ovens. They slowly heat up and slowly cool off. This chemistry cannot be created. A woman must remember that she is not that special, because there are a lot of women to whom a man can feel physically attracted. There are only a few women for whom he can feel all three levels of chemistry. It is then that a woman is most special to a man. At this point, she may discover that she also feels physical attraction. It might happen slowly or it might happen very suddenly.
Quite often it happens when he gives her a kiss. When a shy man postpones the kiss, it may actually postpone or even prevent a woman from feeling her physical attraction.
This is a clear sign that this woman is attracted to her fantasy of the man and not the man himself. She is attracted to the illusion of who she thinks he is. A man needs to remember that a woman is like an oven that slowly warms up. This attraction has nothing to do with whether a woman is his soul mate.
When a man finds his soul mate, she is rarely the type he was most attracted to at the more undiscerning level. Level Two for Men: Emotional Attraction He starts to find that he likes some better than others. When he experiences a woman, he will not just feel physical attraction, but will also sense how much he likes her.
Learning Curve: John Gray's Mars and Venus on a Date
Quite often, opposite personalities are attracted to each other. Level Three for Men: Mental Attraction In level three he is attracted to her character as well: The degree to which a woman has developed aspects of her character does not interfere with making her attractive to a man.
She is most attractive when she is herself and there is mental chemistry. Level Four for Men: His love recognizes that this person, though imperfect, is perfect for him. This decision is not based on a list of conditions. The soul just knows.
Mental Attraction A woman imagines what a man is like and is attracted to something is his character. Just as men with a low level of discernment long to be with women they see in magazines, women at their lowest level of discernment long to be with the men in romance novels.
Level Two for Women: Emotional Attraction Here she likes some better than others. Even without knowing a man, she can already tell in advance that he is not her type and she will not date him. Through trial and error she eventually discovers the kind of personality in a man with which she is most compatible and feels safe being herself.
Level Three for Women: Physical Attraction Here she wants not just to be touched by his mind and heart, but also to be touched physically. When a man holds her hand, put his arm around her, or gives her a kiss, a lot of physical attraction is felt. Just as a man at level one longs to touch, a woman at level three longs to be touched. Level Four for Women: Soul Attraction Her open heart makes her capable of eventually seeing the good in her partner, even though he is neither perfect nor able to fulfill all her needs.
A mature man who continues to date any woman who seems physically attractive, friendly, or sexually responsive may never find real, lasting love. A mature woman who continues to date any man who seems interested in her looks but not her mind as well will continue to be disappointed.
If you are at the lowest level of discernment, then dating anyone will help you grow in discernment. Once you have already developed your discernment, you lose something if you look back. It offers us the opportunity to prepare ourselves for finding and recognizing our soul mate. Each time you are increasing your ability to discern the right person for you. By ending relationships with a more loving and nonjudgmental attitude, we will continue to be attracted to the people who are closer to what we want.
The Dynamics of Male and Female Desire -Women mistakenly follow the advice that if you want someone to be interested in you, you should be interested in him. When a woman is really interested in a man, he tends to become more interested in himself. If she listens attentively, he will generally talk more. If she seeks to please his every need, he will gladly let her know what more she can do.
When he senses that she is not happy, she becomes less interesting to him and the attraction lessens. If a woman is receptively interested in a man, it will generate his active interest in her.
When she considers his request, his confidence is increased. The way a woman makes him feel good is by creating opportunities for him to succeed in truly fulfilling her needs. Not only is it not necessary for her to give back, but giving back can also prevent him from being more interested. On her planet, it is just god manners to give back immediately. After a while he becomes interested in someone else, who does promise to bring out the best in him.
When a woman is receptive, she gives a man the confidence to take the risks necessary to impress her. If she makes the mistake of trying to impress him, then he will automatically relax and let her do the risking. Men become actively interested when they are figuring out what to do, what to give, how to provide, how to achieve a goal, how to impress someone, and how to get the love, acceptance, and admiration they want. These qualities tend to make him much more attractive to women.
On the other hand, when a woman is being receptive, her best and most feminine qualities have a chance to shine. Men Pursue and Women Flirt -To be most attractive, a man needs to do little things with an attitude of confidence and conviction. A woman needs to respond to the things he does in a receptive but not fully convinced manner.
A man should not get the idea that she is after him, but that she is open to finding out if she likes him. Women enjoy it most when a man takes the risk to impress her rather than waiting for her to do something to impress him. Even if you are not coherent, she will be impressed because you took the risk to pursue her. It is relatively easy for a woman to speak when she has strong feelings, but for a man, the stronger the feelings, the less he is able to think and speak.
How to Compliment the Opposite Sex? The bottom line is that men want to be acknowledged, while women want to be adored. His affection for her increases because he feels so proud. Instead of focusing on what a woman does or how she makes him feel, he should ideally focus on finding positive adjectives and nouns to describe her directly. The more special the adjective, the more special she feels.
By appreciating the movie, the play, the singing, the food, the decorations, the service, the weather, and so on, she indirectly appreciates him, since he feels he provided it. Men Advertise and Women Share -Men talk much about themselves. He confidently assumes that his expertise and competence are impressing her, while in reality she is being turned off—feeling ignored, left out, or unimportant to him.
Every man instinctively knows that his success is based on three things: To a woman it appears as if he cares only about number one, himself. Every woman instinctively knows that her ability to find fulfillment is based on three things: A man makes the best impression by asking questions and listening.
She should not wait for him to ask questions or wait to be invited; instead, she should just listen for a few moments or minutes and then start in. If he is not taking the time to listen, it is probably because he is advertising. This means he is interested and very receptive to being interrupted. In either case, she ends up feeling neglected and annoyed by his self-centeredness.